2am musings

I'm lying in bed, and the strange orange numbers glow: 2.38am.

Since when did I become so nocturnal?

Since the internet fucked up on me and I had to wait 3 hours to catch the last 15 mins of glee, that's when.

And guess what? the internet decided to shit all over me after fucking me upside down, by suddenly slowing the buffer rate down to like 1% per ten minutes. Then I'd experience 5 seconds of glee (pun intended) then the fucking buffer wheel would appear again.


So I'm fucking raging right now, with a throbbing migraine, unable to fall asleep due to this incorrigible bad temper of mine.

Yeah, this is one of my dirty secrets. I have an incurably horribly fast temper.

Once I forgive though, I don't hold grudges.

I've been reflecting, and I realise this is only true for trivial matters. When it comes to big matters of the heart and friendship stuff and all that emotional jazz, I bottle it up for as long as possible. I fear confrontation.

I only have a quick temper and throw a whinefest when I know it's about some inanimate object, thus avoiding offending anyone. I also dare to do it in public because I want people to know what a brat I am.

People may think, omg whiny bitch being bratty and shitting bricks when her problems are so small?

Well my dears, half of you haven't been through ths shit I've been through. I don't want to start comparing problems, but see the thing is,

I can and will never publicise my real problems. Those are the ones I'll bring to my grave.

So when I can't whine about those, I find little things to bitch about. Because let's face it, I love whining, so I find all sorts of shit to whine about, but only superficial shit that wouldn't get anyone into trouble.

And well, I can't stand being quiet. I need everyone to know I'm feeling discontent at that particular moment.

So bitches, shut the fuck up if you think I'm a brat who whines about every little thing. I am. I won't deny that. But at least I don't act all saintly and superior by waiting for people to ask "what's wrong?" Before (fakely) 'reluctantly' telling everyone what's wrong, the way some bitches do. And you don't know half my life. Don't assume that just cause I whine about the slow internet connection, it means I have no other deep-seated issues to discuss. I sure do, plenty, but I'll just never discuss them with you, condescending people who find this entry disconcerting.